Okay, yes, so I’m technically posting this a day late. But I’m also back-dating it, so in a day or so, you won’t even notice!
Summary: So you have found my tale, I placed it here for you! Is this fate you may ask? Take a seat and make yourself comfortable, and read my tale. Unas has been waiting for you, yes! – for you since before you were born; Unas the devourer of souls and the drinker of blood.
Thoughts: Right away this story reminded me of the opening to the old World of Darkness tabletop guide, with its first-person “I’m sitting here telling you a story” style, even though it’s meant to be a letter left for somebody to find.
Shame that’s where the similarities ended.
The style, at times, is all over the place, sometimes strikingly elegant, other times amateurish and filled with overblown description. The imagery was ranged from powerful to boring, and I found I had a hard time making myself care what happened to the character. Was he going to be involved in some terrifying action or get pre-occupied with describing how dark and dank his surroundings were?
No sign as to why the vampire left the letter for the unnamed reader, either. No sign of stalking, just, “Oh yes, I left you this letter, haha, now your fate is the same as mine.” The character had no motivation to reveal what he revealed, and without motivation, why go through the trouble? How did the reader get lured into the situation anyway, to find that letter in the first place? That stuff may not be immediately relevent to the tale, but when I have to ask those questions and get no answers… When I have to make up half a story to make this all make sense in my mind, it isn’t a good sign.
If the author could balance their style somewhat, and expand upon things a little more, I can see something good in the making. But as it was, it still needs that work, I think, before I’ll be willing to take another chance on this author.